CHANGES....

Maybe I should of named this blog waiting....I feel like I do lots of waiting these days. It wasn't so long ago I waited for Sawyer to start kindergarten. I was so happy for him because he was so ready. I waited for T-ball to start then looked forward to it stopping after rain,rain and more rain. I couldn't wait for Relay to start, or summer cook outs, or our yearly trip to the coast for a week. But, that doesn't come till August. Waiting for Cooper to go to camp. Waiting for my peonies to bloom. Waiting for my garden to show sum life. Waiting to write. Waiting for this damn rain to stop and have some sunshine!!! Can you tell I am also waiting for my vit. D to kick in ...But in two weeks time the wait has ended and change quickly came in its place. I am handling change as well as I live with waiting.
I really had a hard time watching my baby have his last day of kindergarten. ( I guess I really can't blame my weight on baby fat ). When T-ball ended I was so sad. The parents were a kick and we had tons of fun. 24hrs of relay was a incredible experience and as we packed up our camp site it felt like the day after Christmas.My Peonies did bloom besides the rain, and the garden is yielding lettuce, peas and 1 shallot.We dropped Cooper off at camp today which probably explains why I have time to write. I have learned to b-Que in the rain.And I take vit D from a bottle. I am still waiting on the rain to stop and the sunshine to begin.Another fathers day without my Dad. Change is way overrated and yet I need to flow with changes and be happy when the wait comes.

Why I Relay....

I decided to do this at the very last minute.I actually planed to do this after last years Relay for life. We were there for the survivor walk and then Jeff and I came back for the luminaries. The scene touched my heart. Community at its best, coming together for one cause. I don't think I have ever met one person who hasn't been touched by cancer. Because of this, its that important to be a part of something bigger. Although the American Cancer society puts very little funds toward children's cancer it does fund Camp Ukandu. So all the proceeds that we make will go directly to Camp Ukandu. Cooper has been to this camp 3 times. Please look at my facebook page for the link. Come and enjoy a fun day, fighting a devastating disease.

Children of the Corn

They are so cute, look at those faces. DON'T BE FOOLED. My children are evil. The last two weeks have been full of tudes, temper tantrums, screaming, entitlement and embarrassment. I looked at the calendar ahead and shuddered with anxiety over having these demon spawn with me 24hr, 7days aweek.As I scrubbed the toilet and wiped up pee that never makes it into the toilet, I started to plot my revenge.My mind has become evil after a crappy mothers day and two weeks of crappy kids behavior. How many times had I started a chore chart only to have it last a week and then throw it away. How many times had I taken over dusting because I could do it faster and better myself. How many times don't I put the kids clothes away because it drives me crazy the way the boys throw the clothes in the drawer. Even now I am blaming myself for becoming lazy. Lets face it we stick with it eventually they get it. If they don't get it its time to strip their world. I have a new system...a new start. Join me in my little revolution. Rise up againts the whining, rebel againts pee stained floors, fight against dirty dishes. Join me and shout "NO MORE" And remember...when Mamma's happy everyone is happy.

Mothers Day??????

Its 9:00pm on mothers day. I am getting ready to eat Taco Bell for dinner. All I can think of "thank god its over."
I remember my first mothers day. I stood with pride at Church as our minster asked all new mothers to stand . As I held my little Cooper I thought there is nothing better.
Mothers day has become my most favorite day. My birthday pales in comparison. By the time my birthday roles around we are broke and sick of birthday cake. OK, we are broke...you get the ideal.
I have precious gifts that my children have made me during the years. They are little trophies that measure each milestone in my boys lives. The dear teachers who helped them make these great treasures also have a special place in my heart.
A few years ago My mom and I started to go the coast for 2 nights. Once there we eat great food, drink lots of wine, read, shop and watch what we want to watch. I love this time because I get to be with my mom. My mom is a kick and she makes me laugh.She has a wicked sense of humor that I get to enjoy without the intrusion of my lovely, stinky boys.Its pure bliss.
This year we decided to stay home. Sparky started a new job and I have been trying to pick up extra shifts. We are also trying to get out of debut. We opted for a mothers day brunch.( my suggestion).
We were in a small room without enough room to push out a chair without hitting into another poor mother. They were short staffed, it was hot. The food wasn't that great. The boys couldn't sit still and complained the whole time. They decided to go on a food strike and only eat bacon. Sparky made numerous trips to the buffet. This left me to corral the kids. I released them to the outside. Before to long Cooper stared complaining and fighting with Sparky. Sparky was determined to make his point as was Cooper. I ended up in the middle and held my hand up to walk away from both of them. They continued their fighting in the car. Finally my mom scolded all of them causing a uncomfortable silence on the drive back home. The best part of my day was the nap that followed.As I started to prepare dinner I thought " why am I cooking?" Hence my Taco Bell dinner.
I guess I am upset because I wanted one day to be about me. My needs, comforts and wants. My mom and I made a pack to continue our mothers day trip to the coast.

Brothers

The thought occurred to while driving home how lost these boys would be without each other. The best thing I did for the boys was bring them into the world. My brother and I are not close so I didn't really understand the sibling thing. The "Reynolds brothers" really are each others best friends. Sure there is fighting and blood. (Tucker chipped Coopers tooth).But the best thing is they get over it pretty fast. Cooper gets more response from Tucker then the two of us together. Its a joy to know that when we are gone they will have each other.

RAMBLINGS FROM A CRAZED WOMEN

This is what my brain thinks. I wrote down every thought for the last 5minutes. This is scary....What should I write? Did Sparky wipe down the containers? How do you spell counters? Thank god for spell chek. How are we going to keep Tessa out of my little Victory garden? Shock collar. Here comes Sparky and now I get to here about how much he hates Sarah Palin. Did we pay the gas? We need to add to the kids lunch fund. What the heck do I do for my Mom on mothers day? Did he get the kids to brush their teeth? Coopers teeth are really yellow. Why is Sawyer whining again? Time for bed.I need to finish Coopers camp registration. Hope he gets to go this year. Wonder if we could ever afford lipo suction? Need to wash that kitchen floor and bathrooms. Saturday another T-ball game. 10:00 or 12:00. Better look. Get a flag for neighbor who just became US citizen. Not sure about my hair. Tattoo or no tattoo?Hope I can afford to go to San Diego this summer. Would love to see my friends from Jamul. Why has this become important? Getting old. Hope Jeff loves his new job. I better try to get a few more shifts at St. Vincents. Call on club bill..someone screwed up. I would love a burgerville Strawberry shake right now.Calories.
There has to be some type of medication for this!!!!

The Gift of Autism

This is Tucker...This is my confession ....This is my son...This is a nightmare... This is a dream... This is Autism. There, I said it. I have alluded that Tucker is "different". I didn't want to put him under a label. His doctors won't even put him under a label. They say he has vision and speech issues. They say he is somewhat under the aspergers spectrum. What this means is confusion.
I wanted to ignore this. How much more am I suppose to deal with. I already have one son with a brain tumor. Would God be so cruel? Would life throw me one more curve ball that I am suppose to catch. He changed while we were in the fog of Coopers illness. We missed signs. Then the signs became so loud that we had to deal with them. I tried to pick myself up. I tried to start researching this beast that was taking away our boy. All I find is more questions. The questions at times made me feel like I was drowning. I took him to doctors visits, speech and occupational appointments. Tucker moved to his own time. He lived by his own rules. He would melt down, fall apart without cause. His way of calming down was to pace with a stick. He would retreat to a private world. He would throw things out of frustration and after would apologize over and over again. After a particular stressful occupational session, I told Tucker that you can't throw like that. His behavior was unacceptable. Tucker said to me " I can't talk like other kids do. I don't see the world that way." My son taught me in that moment to listen to my inner voice. We stopped the occupational therapy that day. My little voice had been telling me we needed to try something new. We continue to try new therapies. But, I have no issue pulling him from a therapy that isn't working.
Autism isn't about Tucker. Its about societies issues with difference. Remembering middle school reminds all of us how we tried to be like our peers. The Bullies pick on the kids that don't measure up to the standards they have imposed. Society has caused labels for easy definition, easy translation, a understanding. Autism has no easy definition. Autism has no quick fix. We don't even know what causes Autism.
I was embarrassed by the title. But, I am not embarrassed by Tucker. The qualities that Tucker has that makes Autistic are the same qualities that I admire. How great it would be not to care what others thought of me. To see the world in tiny details that I would never discover. To give a task such attention .
Tucker teaches me something new everyday. His gift to me is his clinical quirkiness. When all is lost hope remains. Tucker is a gift that keeps giving.