The Gift of Autism

This is Tucker...This is my confession ....This is my son...This is a nightmare... This is a dream... This is Autism. There, I said it. I have alluded that Tucker is "different". I didn't want to put him under a label. His doctors won't even put him under a label. They say he has vision and speech issues. They say he is somewhat under the aspergers spectrum. What this means is confusion.
I wanted to ignore this. How much more am I suppose to deal with. I already have one son with a brain tumor. Would God be so cruel? Would life throw me one more curve ball that I am suppose to catch. He changed while we were in the fog of Coopers illness. We missed signs. Then the signs became so loud that we had to deal with them. I tried to pick myself up. I tried to start researching this beast that was taking away our boy. All I find is more questions. The questions at times made me feel like I was drowning. I took him to doctors visits, speech and occupational appointments. Tucker moved to his own time. He lived by his own rules. He would melt down, fall apart without cause. His way of calming down was to pace with a stick. He would retreat to a private world. He would throw things out of frustration and after would apologize over and over again. After a particular stressful occupational session, I told Tucker that you can't throw like that. His behavior was unacceptable. Tucker said to me " I can't talk like other kids do. I don't see the world that way." My son taught me in that moment to listen to my inner voice. We stopped the occupational therapy that day. My little voice had been telling me we needed to try something new. We continue to try new therapies. But, I have no issue pulling him from a therapy that isn't working.
Autism isn't about Tucker. Its about societies issues with difference. Remembering middle school reminds all of us how we tried to be like our peers. The Bullies pick on the kids that don't measure up to the standards they have imposed. Society has caused labels for easy definition, easy translation, a understanding. Autism has no easy definition. Autism has no quick fix. We don't even know what causes Autism.
I was embarrassed by the title. But, I am not embarrassed by Tucker. The qualities that Tucker has that makes Autistic are the same qualities that I admire. How great it would be not to care what others thought of me. To see the world in tiny details that I would never discover. To give a task such attention .
Tucker teaches me something new everyday. His gift to me is his clinical quirkiness. When all is lost hope remains. Tucker is a gift that keeps giving.